The blank space

The heart fonder the ones it sees the least. A cruel way of life if the ones you see more are the ones who you get the most attention from. Not in my rights to judge anything or anybody about the ways of life or the ways of choice. I grew up with a wondering spirit, I was always shy but I always know that deep inside I was brave. The least little hiccups I would cry.
Nobody never loves me and nobody ever really cares. I feel resented.  I was nearly always blue, I try things to make myself happy but at the same time thinking who am I going to pissed off now!, it was like I was living my life but at the same time I wasn’t living it for me. I was living to please other people, my families and some role model type people. As I grow older I observed my surroundings, I look at life from a more clearer vantage point.  I started thinking everyone was doing what they want to do why can’t I. Everyone was living a life pleasing to themselves why can’t I.
I was afraid to be judged,  afraid to be cast out to be left behind.
On my journey of life I knew there was a blank space to be filled. Filled with the excitement I hope to propose.
I want to feel my own skin, I want to be comfortable in it. The blank space is yet to be bridge because it seems I still can’t find myself. I walk in confusion. Its like whenever I think of something two minutes later I don’t want it anymore.  I might need counseling or somethings or maybe I just need a break from life itself.  Go somewhere to relax, meditate and just clear my head from whatever thinking and come back a fresh person.
Nothing beats relaxation.  I always leave my conclusion at “I don’t have money so I can’t go there or do that” but that’s just what Mr Negative wants to hear. Now I found my salution. No matter the cost or cause I am going to live the life I please.

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Tamica James 14/10/15

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