I Won’t Smile

The heart of man is vile, wicked and evil.

The trapped you set up for another man you might just be the one that fall in it.

But i won’t smile to feeling like am too bless. I won’t smile knowing the truth is what it is.

God have bless me and he had bless you too, but it was hard for you to accept the fact that we were caught up in the same nasty and dreadful trap.

You where too busy wishing and hoping that my life would crashes, my child would die. You take away everything that my child as fully deserves.

I was hungry many days, i was broke, i have sleepless nights. So many things could have come to my mind but i have never wish for you any wrong.

Everything that God have given to me i was greatful for, i tried hard not to worry. When the tears seek to venture through my eyes i wipe them away and try not to think about the truth.

Everyone move away from me to take up your side because of one reason or the other, i only have but a few friends left. 

The blame me for something i didn’t do, something i had no control over, something i didn’t choose.

That boyfriend of yours he came into my life for years he as been taunting me. He is a liar and a deceiver, a devil in disguise.

He got me pregnant purposefully, then he got you pregnant willfully because he though it was the right thing to do.

He was there at first for my unborn i won’t lie, but as soon as you was pregnant that’s the end of my life.

We became nothing in his sight, we were the outcast, the abandoned, the worst thing ever because all of it was our fault from the start.

I was shoved aside because my life didn’t matter anymore, to hell with me and my unborn child, to hell if we died, to hell with us.

I pray God to keep and protect us everyday. I prayed for his guidance all the way, i fight the strong hold, i cast out the demons, i bind up principalities and power, i prove to God my faith and how strong i am.

I came out victorious and i won’t even smile, there is nothing to smile about. I heard you looses your child and i still have mine this is all the reasons for me to smile but i won’t, God have all the answers to the questions so i won’t smile.

I just thank him for my victory, my hands are clean,my heart is clean. I never wish you a day of wrong, i just sit and watch while you all feasting and harvesting i am searching for a crumbs to feed my baby so it could live day to day.

I will forgive the lot of you but maybe five years in the future, my heart is still crying, i am still hurt but for my unborn child will i live. I know its not over till the fat lady sings but before anything go wrong am writing me this poem, so the world can see what i have been through! 

Tamica James

10/7/16

Me with the little unborn.

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